tumblr D:

If my self-loathing was embodied by something, that something would probably be the blackest of black. rich and deep and never-ending. or like the core of the earth. just rock solid and impenetrable.

if you dove in it, you’d drown in seconds. not even seconds, possibly even milliseconds. maybe microseconds. most likely immediately. it would engulf everything and anything that comes within its reach. it would pull you into it, and you would get sucked into a bottomless pit; a vortex. or a current of something i can only call as nothing. because nothing is nothing; it’s black and empty and….nothing.

if my self-loathing was a creature it would be vicious; teeth as sharp as knives. when it bites you (which it will), you will feel it in the deepest core of the little universe that is your conscious body. and you will bleed your soul out of the punctures. it would be a wound bigger than your deepest sorrows; deeper than your biggest fears.

if it was a creature, it would be as big as the tallest mountains, as wide as the vast, vast oceans and as strong as all the deadliest tornadoes combined. the creature would have eyes that glow red with anger- a hint of deep, undoable sadness, but mostly just anger. its heart, hollow. as empty as you and as empty as me. as empty as the emptiest could be.

people would hide and people would fear, people would scream, for the creature is here. kings and queens will gather with the mightiest of knights, rewarding them pockets of gold to have it dead and alight. everyone would hate it, everyone would loathe it. everyone would rather die than to even see it. because seeing it would mean its close and seeing it would mean it’s true. seeing it would mean the end of you. a stuff of nightmares the creature would be. why wouldn’t it? it resides in me. 

some people are only in my life because they make me think of something else apart from my rapidly approaching, inevitable doom. 

holy

fucking

shit.